Egyptian Dance Academy/Hannan's Belly Dance Studio: Student Summer Gala 2012!

So tomorrow is my second summer Gala show performance! Wow. It's amazing how many things can happen and change in just one year.

A year ago I went on stage and performed after spending the previous year working very hard at 1) losing about 80lbs and getting myself healthy and strong, and 2) going from an Introductory level student to a Beginner level student at the Egyptian dance studio I had joined.

During the last year I have maintained my weight loss and fitness level, and continued to go to classes and move through the Continuing Beginner level despite dealing with some physical injuries, mental/emotional challenges, and financial set-backs. I also moved house.

I'm only performing in one class for the summer student Gala this year. Due to the various personal challenges and issues I've had to deal with, I had to drop down to just one class instead of doing two. It's really for the best. As it turned out, I didn't have the mental/emotional/physical energy to prepare for two different class choreographies.

Really, I've had a hard enough time getting ready for just one class choreography. When I'm feeling good and "up" emotionally, it's not so difficult to go to classes, go to the gym, and do all the right things that I know are good for me. But, when I'm struggling with depression and anxiety, it's all the harder to keep on making the right choices, and to keep the positive, productive activities going.

The thing that I've learned as I've gotten older, and more experienced dealing with my cyclical depressions is that whatever is going on inside my head, no matter how painful or difficult it might be to endure it, as long as I've got a good plan and I stick to it, and keep moving forward no matter how slowly, eventually I will have worked my way through the "storm" to the other side with everything intact and on track. The depression will not last forever. It will eventually subside. The sun will come out again.

So sometimes it's been a huge struggle just to make myself go to class. Many times I've told myself I was going to just quit dancing, asking myself, why bother, why do I do it, what is the point? The answer is that every time I do make myself go to class, no matter how bad I am feeling before I get there, I start to feel better as soon as the music starts and my (totally awesome) teacher begins to warm us up.

I'm not doing this to become famous, or to make it my career. Who am I kidding, I'm 45 going on 46 this year. I'm doing this because it makes my soul feel alive and happy. The sparkles on my hip scarf find their way into my spirit and brighten up my feelings and thoughts. Belly Dancing makes me smile on the inside, not just on the outside. It makes me feel feminine and graceful. It allows me to celebrate my femininity in a healthy, positive way. It allows me to connect with my fellow students, each of us women, sharing something in common despite our differences.

It helps me fight my depression - my depression which would isolate me in my own personal darkness if I allowed it to. Instead of withdrawing, I reach out. I offer to share my hip scarves to fellow students who don't have one in the right colour for the Gala. I share my phone number with any of my fellow students who think they might quit from nerves and need a pep talk to get them to the Gala on time. They need me, but they don't know that I need them just as much, if not more.

Every class I go to is a mini-win for me. Every Gala that I attend and perform at is a badge of honor and courage for me in an ongoing war inside myself. All anyone will ever see when they look at me up on stage tomorrow is a smiling face and a glittering hip scarf. They will see me having fun with my class for my 2 minutes in the spotlight. They will see that I am a student, a student who is still learning so much. Not all of my moves will be polished and perfect. I may goof up and not always be exactly in time with the other students. What they will not see is how much it took to get me back up there between one Gala to the next, or all that has gone on in between from one year ago to now.

Only I really know how much of a fight it's been - one that is so, so worth it for me personally.

I hope I get some good pictures out of this Gala. I loved the ones that the photographer took of me in the last one in November. If I like them, I'll be posting them. We are wearing pinky/purple this time around. That reminds me, I have to get my nails done today. I won't have time tomorrow...

Wish me luck! (Butterflies in my belly)...